Photo Cred: Josh Collins Photography, 2016
I am tired of broken hearts and empty promises. I am tired of lost dreams and killing inspiration in the name of realism. I am tired of losing hope. I seem to be surrounded by a lot of this lately, but I still believe in great love. I believe in dreaming big. I believe we can actually change the world if we want to. You may call this naive optimism, but I call it faith. It's a risk. And it scares me, too. Honestly, I don't know how to live another way. This kind of living makes the ground hurt a little worse when I fall because the higher the dream is, the harder the fall. But, I must always find the strength to get up and try again. I wish I could tell you I felt stronger each time a dream fell--each time I was disappointed in someone or something, but that's not always true.
After my two-year relationship fell apart, I took a year to get myself back together. I casually dated but never risked real feelings for anyone. I wasn't ready. I spent a lot of time in prayer and growing in community with the Lord. It was one of the best yet, hardest years of my life. It was equal parts terrible and beautiful. It's not an easy thing to have your heart shattered. I needed that year to find my identity again. So, I did just that. Looking back, I'm thankful for the refinement. I'm thankful I have a God who always redeems and always works things together for my good. However, please hear me when I say, faith in God does not evaporate pain.
If you are grieving the loss of a relationship the only advice I can give is to walk directly through the pain. Stare it in the face. Cry. Then, laugh at how bad it can be. Laughter makes everything better. Believe me--I know. Imagine sitting with your boyfriend’s parents at his graduation while his side-chick is death-staring you 20 feet away. If that isn't an episode of a reality show--I don't know what is!
After a year of healing, I decided I was ready to pursue a relationship again. I met someone. Someone I would have NEVER expected. The polar opposite of my previous boyfriend. He inspired me to believe that I could love again. I dreamed higher with him, but, unfortunately, it didn't work. It still hurt, even though we weren’t fully attached, yet. The truth is, that though I may have been ready, he was not.
So, I have come to this place again, where I have to decide what I'm going to do with closed doors. Do I knock? Do I wait? Do I sit down on the stoop and mope? No. No. No. That is not who I am. That is not the daughter of the King. That is not who I would want my sister to be. That is not the example I want to leave for those that look up to me. Sometimes, you have to look in the mirror, boss up and take your own advice.
So, I say to myself, live.
Live. You must Live. Live boldly. Turn from closed doors recognizing the entire world you have right in front of you. A door you should walk through will open on its own. Keep loving. Keep dreaming. Keep getting your hopes up. The world needs more people that still believe. Your great love is coming.
